Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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