someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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