I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
