And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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