he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
