Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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