I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
