you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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