Can i not drive my cunt home
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Also, beer. Big fan.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
