You work out of a Hotel?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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