i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
