You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
