You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
