Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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