soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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