Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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