no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
