I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
