he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
