I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
