Please don't use social media to get back at me.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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