Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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