I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
