Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
It was like getting head from an anaconda
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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