why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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