Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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