he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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