Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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