there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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