Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize