I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
