We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Randomize
