i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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