when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I understand Curling. That high.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Randomize
