My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
