clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
My ATM looks so different sober.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize