What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
