it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
