My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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