I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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