Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Come share oat with me in your robe
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
