Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
you inspire me to be a worse person
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
