i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
