Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize