the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
