I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
