I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He better not be in your backpack
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
