Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
