i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
