Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
