She's JV to your varsity
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
