Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
