Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
