Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize