This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I can't turn off my feet"
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
