That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Randomize
