bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
