"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
