If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
