I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
