Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
