You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize