I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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