Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
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