the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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