Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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