you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
