Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
