there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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