I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Found the puke drawer
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
