you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
