Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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